Yesterday I found out that I will have to leave UW and the sorority I am currently living in for spring quarter to go into full time treatment for my eating disorder. I think I am still in a state akin to shock and have not fully grasped the enormity of this statement.
I met with my doctor, nutritionist, and therapist who all three proclaimed that I was not medically stable enough to continue on without a higher level of care. I am permitted to continue taking one class primarily restricted to online viewings as I go into partial hospitalization and will have to drop my other two courses. The class I will be continuing with is biochemistry, and I hold like a lifeline to this course, as science is one of my greatest passions.
I am extremely disheartened at the enormity of my situation. Ever since I can remember, school has been my ultimate goal. I remembering being in fourth grade and thinking about university and the endless possibilities that awaited me. I would pour hours and hours into my homework and study relentlessly for tests starting even in elementary school. When I think about that little girl, so determined and driven, my heart sinks. Right now, I feel like I have let that little girl down.
In reality, I know that this is a very small road bump on my educational journey and I need to focus on recovery first to attain my eventual goal of becoming a nurse. I hold onto this hope and sentiment as I move forward in the process and go into the unknowns of treatment.
There are so many things that I am uncertain about, and so many things I am very frightened for. At the same time, however, I also know that recovery is worth all of this stress and fear. I am working on making health my number one goal and priority, because I know that educational and occupational success will only come once I have achieved both mental and physical wellbeing.
And for now, I hold onto the stabilizing forces in my life that will keep me afloat: My biochemistry course, my amazing friends at the University of Washington and my family who I am eternally grateful for.