I was admitted into residential treatment for my eating disorder as of Friday and have been here for a total of two days. I am finding the transition a rather tumultuous one, but that was to be expected. My first day was an absolute blur as I found going from university and my sorority to the residential program was a huge transition. Leaving my parents as they dropped me off was also harder than I could have imagined. I went from freedom and independence to constant monitoring and double checking.
I think I had it in my mind that going into treatment would mean miraculous recovery, but what I am slowly realizing is that treatment still takes a lot of work. It is still up to me whether I will eat or not, and eating determines whether I will leave or not. I can choose to refuse my meals or to ignore the boost but that will only prolong my stay and further deter my return to the UW.
I am slowly learning to set small goals for myself, and hope that with these in mind I will begin to progress. I am trying to make sure I achieve 100% completion on at least two of my meals per day, as well as finish all of my snacks. However, sometimes, when I come face to face with a full meal, my bravery and strength falters. I am also trying not to punish myself for my failure, and understand that recovery will take time above all else.
But what I have found most beneficial since arriving here has been the people. The other residents are the most supportive that I could have asked for and we mutually cheer each other on. We are all struggling against a common enemy which is a strong force that unites us.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to forge my own recovery path, and with each day I know I am gaining strength and bravery. Each day I will fight battles against my food and break through boundaries. With the help of my family and my friends, I truly believe that there is an end to this disease in sight.